The Equestrian Blog

How horse riders change a light bulb ?

WESTERN SHOW RIDER :

Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanuts Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly and oh, my diamond studs have to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it.

Oh, maybe you with no silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you do it.

ENDURANCE RIDER :

Light bulb?

Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse/respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels. When that's done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.

DRESSAGE QUEEN :

Change a light bulb? Are you joking?

I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you're finished....... The very thought!

CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN :

These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.

EVENT RIDER :

Wuss! As soon as my broken arm is out of this sling after falling off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross country, I'll change it.

Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders need lights, anyway.

NATURAL HORSEMAN :

You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set available at $179.00 on my Website).

Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer") designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get a introductory video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.

GYMKHANA RIDER :

GO GO GO GET IT CHANGED HURRY!

NOW BRING IT BACK SO I CAN DO IT TOO! C'MON, C'MON, C'MON

aaaaaagh SHE'S DROPPED IT.......

HORSE RESCUE CENTRE VOLUNTEER :

Oh, so WE have to change ANOTHER lightbulb that some idiot neglected?

They should make this a capital crime. God, I can't understand these people. Now where'd I put the  Vet's number?

MALE RODEO RIDER : I'm a man, I don't need light!

FEMALE RODEO RIDER : If he doesn't need light, neither do I !

HUNTER RIDER :

Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.

GROOM :

Do I have to do everything ?  Oh yeah, I do, don't I?

I'll get to it as soon as I'm done mucking out, cleaning and filling the troughs, cleaning and filling the water buckets, stacking the hay, setting up the night feeds, cleaning the tack, pooh picking the paddock, brushing and exercising the horses, and whatever else needs to be done.